Week 14.1 (There Are Consequences)

Since I’ve started the MKMMA Alliance, I’ve successfully managed to complete a few very important goals of mines. 1). Rented a table and sold some items at a local flea market. 2) Made and sold body scrubs with my uncle. 3) Started a kickboxing class. 4). Inquired about a financial seminar (currently waiting to hear back from the class coordinator). 5). Stopped smoking cigarettes. 6). Got the courage to cut ties with two friends who’ve long ago truly stopped being my “friends.” 7). Learned to change a car tire…four of them.

In other words, I now have the courage to just put myself out there in spite of any fear and anxiety that I may feel.  There is a part of me that’s truly afraid of conflict. I have goals and want to achieve them, but I also don’t like the backlash or anger that I may incite in the hearts of others while going after them.

It’s something I noticed in achieving all of the goals I listed above.

Sure, I wanted to learn how to change a tire, but my husband was sitting on the sofa drinking coffee. What if I ask him and he becomes mad at me for disrupting his day with my request? What if his drinking coffee was more important than what I wanted to do?

Regarding the friendships: I had known for almost a year that these two particular friendships weren’t going anywhere. The truth of the matter is, they drained me. So what if when I made the call to sever all ties they tried to apologize? Or say that it was all my imagination?

Same with renting the table at the flea market…When I got there, the woman who put it all together assigned me a dirty table that wobbled on the floor, and needed a stopper placed underneath one of the legs. But located directly in the middle of the church was a long clean table with perfect legs. What if when I asked to switch places she became angry? What if she deleted me off her lists of contacts? Would she talk about me to her husband afterwards?

It didn’t matter. I asked to switch tables, wiped it down, and set up my items. It was still all there though. The fear and anxiety. The “what-if”. It just didn’t paralyze me as it has done in the past. Because I’ve accepted that pissing people off may come with asking to switch tables. Friends may become obnoxious and petty when you finally get the courage to admit that the relationship isn’t going anywhere. And sometimes all a man wants to do is sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee without thinking about teaching his wife how to change the tires on her car.

It’s life. But I have to play if I want to win. In hindsight, it’s the pain and the suffering and the fear of being seen, confronted, and chapping people’s asses that have kept me from going after my own personal goals. Too afraid to rock the boat because, what if they don’t like me?

But that is what winning and being rewarded is all about. Long hours, struggles, crying, tears, rejections, and frustrations. That’s really what happens when you go after anything you want. It can be something as small as grocery store shopping on a day when your car is in the shop, but your husband’s car isn’t, and he has to be somewhere in two hours. You may cause a little friction by asking him to use his car, and then piss the woman coming out of the Dairy Queen off because you won’t let him in. You may upset the guy in the meat department who is in the middle of texting his boss at his other job, by ringing the bell twice, and then annoy the cashier and bagger by insisting that you bag your own groceries. But you’re back home in under two hours, your spouse’s lips are kissed, he’s out the door, and you have completed YOUR mission of going to the supermarket. Yes?

You can’t win if you don’t play. You can’t win if you don’t embrace the feelings of uncertainty, stress, and rejection. And you sure as heck won’t win if you try to please ALL of the people ALL of the time.

Accomplishing goals means putting yourself out there, day after day, and then dealing with the consequences of what happens when you do. Are you willing to deal with the consequences?

Are you willing to suffer for your goals? If so, how much are you willing to suffer? Because what you give will be what you get. That is one of the secrets. You do remember that, don’t you?

 

 

 

Week 13 (Service Card)

 

Has anyone besides me had the experience of not completing one service they had written down on their index card?

For me, it’s cleaning out my closet. I am completing every other thing I have written down, but not that one. Now I have to transfer it onto another card and wonder if I’ll have the same problem. It’s driving me crazy! Seriously. Of course, I’m sure somebody will try to link it together with some deep seated issue that I’m not ready to face. And that’s okay, because they are probably correct. But, if it’s not beginning to chap my ass! Like, just clean out the closet already.

This is the second week that I’ve completed every other task but that one. And it’s really not about time because with it being the Christmas season, I have plenty of that.

Anyway, I’ve been writing the 3 things I’m grateful for down on the index cards every night and the pile is growing like crazy. I notice they went from really simple things I’ve accomplished in the past to much more complex things like, “I’m not afraid to take constructive criticism.” The transition has been pretty amazing to witness. Leaving me to believe that not everything is about accomplishments. Sometimes it’s about the ways you’ve had to adopt in order to get Point A to Point B.

Well, I have to get ready to entertain family and friends.

Happy New Year to each of you, especially you.

Week 12 (Staring in the Mirror)

So, there I am, in all of my flesh and glory, with all of my strengths and weaknesses, staring into my bathroom mirror. I make sure the door is locked so that I am not interrupted by the children or the husband. At first, I am sitting down on the bathroom counter repeating my one sentence, but several minutes into it, I feel the need to doze off. Then I stand up and begin moving around repeating the same sentence over and over and over and over again. Yea, I proclaim it.

Suddenly, it’s as if the sentence, my enthusiasm, my faith, and my new blueprint mesh all together to take on a life of its own. Before you know it, I grab my fire engine red curling irons and begin speaking into it as if it were a microphone.

Latasha is standing in front of a room filled with people after being introduced by Ms. Keys. The people seated down on the floor are doctors who specialize in healing trauma, psychologists, sociologists, teachers, brain surgeons, and therapists from all over the world. In their hands I see note pads, lap tops, pens and pencils as they (like me) have been taking notes all day in order to make use of in their own professions.

I start off by smiling and looking deep into the eyes of the people seated before me. There is no fear, just a wonderful and sweet feeling of excitement as I have finally arrived to my goal. After taking a long deep breath, I begin, “My name is Latasha Dale. Currently, I am studying the effects of trauma on the brain, mind, and body with Dr. Bezzel Van Der Kolk at the Trauma Center located in Brookline, Massachusetts, and the program I founded, TIME To THRIVE, is now being taught at five different schools in the city of Philadelphia where I was born and raised. With all of that aside, I think it’s also important for me to let you know that I am a woman who always keeps her promises. Again, my name is Latasha Dale. You can find out more information about my program online. It’s an honor to be here with all of you. Thank you!”

I receive a standing ovation. And a smile shoots up from the pits of my stomach that I’ve never felt or seen on my face before. It’s a magical moment. It’s surreal. I have made it into a room of brilliant, educated, people fully devoted to helping people reclaim ownership of their lives and body after suffering from years of trauma. And I can think of nothing better or no other people I would like to be in the same room with.

I do this over and over again. I see the people. I hear my voice. I thank the presenter. I marvel at the number of folks in the crowd. I can smell the aroma of coffee that’s in the air. I hear the guy on the fourth row cough twice.

When my oldest daughter knocks on the door, it is 5:59, and I am just amazed at how the time flew by. I run back to the computer but I want just a few more minutes in the mirror. Because when I can look myself in the eye, and repeat what I desire over and over again, it becomes real. There isn’t a feeling of restlessness or boredom or even the feeling that such a goal can’t be achieved.

Anyway, after doing this exercise, and after the MKMMA Alliance comes to an end, I am going to work with a career coach. This course has really gotten me to take a good hard look at myself and suddenly I am able to pin point where the holes in my thinking are. It is these holes and character traits that I’ll share with my career coach so that they can help hold me accountable.

But, it’ll be me who moves the mountain though. It can only be me.

Week 11 (Honesty)

…is the best policy. Though, I must admit, I was a bit hesitant to write this post because somewhere deep down inside of me I am tired of facing this fact.

My husband does not mentally stimulate me. Now what does that have to do with the MKMMA Program, you ask? I’ll tell you.

These last twelve weeks have pulled me way out of my comfort zone and rooted me into a whole new way of thinking and being. I have found myself knowing exactly what I want to do and say. The people I want to surround myself with, and stay away from, and the fears (all stemming from childhood) that must be faced in order to start my program TIME TO THRIVE, among other things.

There isn’t anything that feels impossible to me at the moment because, as OG MANDINO states so eloquently, “If I persist, I will win.”

But along with these changes, my household has begun to change. I am more focused and less restless. There is a seriousness to me that neither he nor the children are used to.

So as I grow, create, and cement my new blue print, he basically stays the same. Which, all excuses aside, makes it extremely difficult for me to be happy with him.

For example: last night, I was going to write my blog post for Week 11, but he was in the bedroom watching television. The two oldest children were in the living room playing games, and the youngest was in her bedroom reading a book. If we owned a laptop, it would have been easy to go into the bedroom with the youngest to get my work done, but we don’t. So, I felt stuck. And then I became angry. Because it frequently seems like whenever I get my momentum going in something, he can’t or just doesn’t contribute anything to it. (I did not ask him to turn off the television because he would have started to pout.)

Now, mind you, my husband is a very content man. He has a pretty decent job, owns his own company, has a great group of friends, comes from a very loving and supportive family, and has me for a wife. So, if you were to ever ask him (as I have) do you ever feel like you want more out of life he’ll say, “Aside from money, and more opportunities to travel, not really.”

That attitude has always made it tough for me. 1) Because since we’ve been married, it’s always just been the two of us. 2) I am an empath. 3) I need help and lots of assistance to evolve except when it comes to me working on being a “better” person. 4.) I need a great deal of support in order to sustain anything I’m doing. If not, I become restless and will eventually move on to something else.

How does this play out?

About eleven years ago, I lost 100 pounds, but I wanted to build muscle. What did he start doing, unconsciously, of course: drinking more, smoking cigarettes, making bacon and eggs for breakfast instead of drinking my smoothies, etc. And after about 6 months, I was drinking as much as he was and had traded my own breakfast smoothies for bacon and eggs. Eventually, I let the goal of building muscle go, and settled for maintaining a healthy weight instead.
Why?

Because it’s…easier.

I feel like if my husband and I were on the same page, it would be a lot easier for me to attain certain goals. As a red, I do have the fire, passion, and creativity that it takes to get things done, but I also need someone to light the fire under my ass when I begin to get bored or restless. And I also need the person in my house, in my bed, on my team to be an active player in my goals and dreams. By the way, I am very clear this is more a post about my marriage, but fear not, I’ll be back with another MKMMA post by Friday morning.

Anyway, that is my truth for week 11.

 

Week 10 (A Master Mind)

 

Even without the webinar last week, I was able to maintain focus on my daily readings and sittings. This impressed me immensely as I am the type of person to normally lose focus when the holidays come around.

Because my husband is an avid television watcher, I have not been able to shut off all of the televisions in my home BUT because the New Year is coming, I am going to tell him and the children it’s one of the things I want to give up. It will be only for a week, unless I like the results and then I’ll extend it to ten days. By doing this, I am preparing EVERYONE for what is about to come and the backlash won’t be so terrible.

I’ll admit, that since I am not an entrepreneur or have a business (at this time) where I am responsible for selling services of any sort, I have begun to feel largely left-out of the MKMMMA experience. Especially when it comes to Tweeting and talking to others in the Alliance area. However, the fact that in 2016 and 2017 that will all change as I begin working with young ladies, the feeling is not one that really stays with me. But I would be lying if I said it wouldn’t be nice to have a career NOW so that I could go to work each day using Og’s advice.  Greeting my coworkers with love. Greeting my supervisor with love. Greeting the young ladies with more love. Being persistent when it came to getting more resources for my young ladies etc. Realizing that there is no way I could lose. Even as I typed that out, my body grew hot, so I’m just imagining how it will be in the future when I can really use everything that I’m learning out in the real world.

Last Monday, at the suggestion of my guide, I and two other people from her group began to mastermind. Both of them are yellow and I’m a red, so it’s going to be pretty interesting to see what kind of encouragement, help, and ideas we all come up with together.

Has anyone else realized that there are only fifteen more weeks left before we come to the end of the program? I have. Can’t say that I’m thrilled about it either. In fact, I’ve decided that when it ends, I’m going to (with the exception of the webinar) repeat the program one week at a time just as we’ve been doing now. I really want to strengthen all that I’ve learned so that my new blue print is cemented and mountain-solid. Because as Mark and Davene and Og have all said, with this sort of thinking, there isn’t anything we can’t achieve. And it doesn’t matter what we’re trying to do, or in what areas of our lives we’re trying to make great. It’s our thinking that will carry us over the hurdles and onto the promise land. I also am going to repeat the program because I have a lot of things I will accomplish in the future so it’s essential that my mind state be stronger than anything I face.

Another reason I’m going to repeat the program once it’s come to an end is because it makes you feel totally amazing about yourself and helps you to see opportunities that you might have missed before. Since I’ve started with the MKMMA program, dots have started to connect, and the confidence that I’ve gained have opened doors to places that were once shut to me. Because, let’s be honest, if you have the wrong kind of energy, nothing but the wrong kinds of thoughts, dots, and energy comes back to you. This is so apparent now.

Week 9 (I am what I will to be.)

In all of my sittings, and readings, writings, and other activities, I’ve come to the realization that “I AM what I will to be.”

At this stage of the program, “I can be what I will to be” seems so elementary, because I now know better. The proof is not in the pudding because I’ve been DOING it.

The progress that I am making at home, in the gym, with the development of my non-profit, with my writings, and even in the lives of my children is because I’ve been willing it into existence. Using every part of my being, especially my subconscious, to make ME come true.

Therefore, I don’t feel that it’s any longer necessary to say “I can be…”

It’s been an amazing week, with lots of dots connecting and progress being made. It’s getting to the point where I can cut a thought off before it even pops into my mind. (Strange, I know? But because I’m the thinker of my thoughts, I already know where my thoughts are headed.) I can’t imagine how valuable this skill is going to be in the future when I’m working with young girls and marketing my book. And because exercising great control of my thoughts wasn’t something I was taught as a child, it’s mind-blowing to see its effects as an adult. Give me more control over my brain! More control over my thoughts! Give me more! I will have more. I must have more. It’s so gratifying to not always be subject to every one of my whims and impulses. To know that with enough training that I can be master of my thoughts and emotions. There isn’t any gift greater than this for me.

Week 8 (Paris got to me)

Admittedly, I allowed the bombing that took place in Paris to interrupt my flow of thinking which meant that I wasn’t as focused on myself as I’ve been since I began the MKMMA program. I was all over the place this week. But last night I sat with the yucky feelings, and thought about the minutes I wasted, and that made all of the difference. I am back now.

Something that I have noticed is that, besides working with children and starting my own non-profit organization, it is very difficult for me to come up with a vision for myself when it comes to other parts of my life. I’ve mentioned this before. I believe that it’s because other than that, I don’t consider much of anything else to be very important. For example, it would be great to have bulky muscles, the kind that Serena Williams is practically known for, but it’s not necessary to me. In fact, I am quite content with just staying in the range of 140-150 pounds. This kind of honest thinking now has me re-evaluating my DMP.

What is becoming of extreme importance to me is being able to financially provide for myself, and to have a career that I can be proud of. The fact that I am currently unemployed and my husband is the sole provider for our family is beginning to weigh heavily on me. I don’t like it one bit, and in January of 2016, I am going to make the necessary adjustments to change all of that.

What I am gathering from all of the readings is that we are our most predominate thoughts. That which we think about ourselves most of the day is what our world without looks like. That’s the truth if you’ve never been told it. Coming from my particular background, I am used to thinking destructive and shameful things about myself, so the fact that much of the MKMMA program is about creating a mental attitude that is positive and constructive is really eye-opening. I can see how the cells in my body and brain longed to do something different and better. Every single day now, I am bearing witness to my thoughts being in harmony with the seven laws of the mind. This change in thinking has provided me with all of the proof I needed to know that “I can be what I will to be.” Because that’s what these last eight weeks has shown me.

If I am thinking a negative thought, I will run into a nasty bitter person, or silently mumble a curse at the man or woman who cut me off with their cart in the grocery store. However, just as soon as I change my thought to a positive one, and focus on it for a few minutes, the feeling is gone, and instead of silently cursing the person, I almost don’t even acknowledge what they’ve done. That is the gift of the brain, and the power of all every single cell in your body. They come to do the work. It doesn’t matter if it’s negative or positive. They come by the billions and trillions ready to do the work that your thoughts have put into action. And as soon as I change my thinking from negative to positive, I can literally feel the shift take place inside of my body.

I’ve made my intent for the rest of the time with the MKMMA program to do as GMA says, “Learn to keep the door shut, keep out of your mind, out of your office, and out of your world, every element that seeks admittance with no definite helpful end in view.”

My only aim now, and for the rest of my life is to become the sole commander of my thoughts, my attitude, and my personal goals. I will not allow any person or their problems to affect me or throw me off my square. Cultivating this type of mentality will mean that I will have to analyze my every thought and really put into practice everything that I’ve learned in the last eight weeks, but just imagining and knowing what will be possible after I gain total control of my thinking is what will keep me focused and persistent and determined to win