Since I’ve started the MKMMA Alliance, I’ve successfully managed to complete a few very important goals of mines. 1). Rented a table and sold some items at a local flea market. 2) Made and sold body scrubs with my uncle. 3) Started a kickboxing class. 4). Inquired about a financial seminar (currently waiting to hear back from the class coordinator). 5). Stopped smoking cigarettes. 6). Got the courage to cut ties with two friends who’ve long ago truly stopped being my “friends.” 7). Learned to change a car tire…four of them.
In other words, I now have the courage to just put myself out there in spite of any fear and anxiety that I may feel. There is a part of me that’s truly afraid of conflict. I have goals and want to achieve them, but I also don’t like the backlash or anger that I may incite in the hearts of others while going after them.
It’s something I noticed in achieving all of the goals I listed above.
Sure, I wanted to learn how to change a tire, but my husband was sitting on the sofa drinking coffee. What if I ask him and he becomes mad at me for disrupting his day with my request? What if his drinking coffee was more important than what I wanted to do?
Regarding the friendships: I had known for almost a year that these two particular friendships weren’t going anywhere. The truth of the matter is, they drained me. So what if when I made the call to sever all ties they tried to apologize? Or say that it was all my imagination?
Same with renting the table at the flea market…When I got there, the woman who put it all together assigned me a dirty table that wobbled on the floor, and needed a stopper placed underneath one of the legs. But located directly in the middle of the church was a long clean table with perfect legs. What if when I asked to switch places she became angry? What if she deleted me off her lists of contacts? Would she talk about me to her husband afterwards?
It didn’t matter. I asked to switch tables, wiped it down, and set up my items. It was still all there though. The fear and anxiety. The “what-if”. It just didn’t paralyze me as it has done in the past. Because I’ve accepted that pissing people off may come with asking to switch tables. Friends may become obnoxious and petty when you finally get the courage to admit that the relationship isn’t going anywhere. And sometimes all a man wants to do is sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee without thinking about teaching his wife how to change the tires on her car.
It’s life. But I have to play if I want to win. In hindsight, it’s the pain and the suffering and the fear of being seen, confronted, and chapping people’s asses that have kept me from going after my own personal goals. Too afraid to rock the boat because, what if they don’t like me?
But that is what winning and being rewarded is all about. Long hours, struggles, crying, tears, rejections, and frustrations. That’s really what happens when you go after anything you want. It can be something as small as grocery store shopping on a day when your car is in the shop, but your husband’s car isn’t, and he has to be somewhere in two hours. You may cause a little friction by asking him to use his car, and then piss the woman coming out of the Dairy Queen off because you won’t let him in. You may upset the guy in the meat department who is in the middle of texting his boss at his other job, by ringing the bell twice, and then annoy the cashier and bagger by insisting that you bag your own groceries. But you’re back home in under two hours, your spouse’s lips are kissed, he’s out the door, and you have completed YOUR mission of going to the supermarket. Yes?
You can’t win if you don’t play. You can’t win if you don’t embrace the feelings of uncertainty, stress, and rejection. And you sure as heck won’t win if you try to please ALL of the people ALL of the time.
Accomplishing goals means putting yourself out there, day after day, and then dealing with the consequences of what happens when you do. Are you willing to deal with the consequences?
Are you willing to suffer for your goals? If so, how much are you willing to suffer? Because what you give will be what you get. That is one of the secrets. You do remember that, don’t you?