Week 11 (Honesty)

…is the best policy. Though, I must admit, I was a bit hesitant to write this post because somewhere deep down inside of me I am tired of facing this fact.

My husband does not mentally stimulate me. Now what does that have to do with the MKMMA Program, you ask? I’ll tell you.

These last twelve weeks have pulled me way out of my comfort zone and rooted me into a whole new way of thinking and being. I have found myself knowing exactly what I want to do and say. The people I want to surround myself with, and stay away from, and the fears (all stemming from childhood) that must be faced in order to start my program TIME TO THRIVE, among other things.

There isn’t anything that feels impossible to me at the moment because, as OG MANDINO states so eloquently, “If I persist, I will win.”

But along with these changes, my household has begun to change. I am more focused and less restless. There is a seriousness to me that neither he nor the children are used to.

So as I grow, create, and cement my new blue print, he basically stays the same. Which, all excuses aside, makes it extremely difficult for me to be happy with him.

For example: last night, I was going to write my blog post for Week 11, but he was in the bedroom watching television. The two oldest children were in the living room playing games, and the youngest was in her bedroom reading a book. If we owned a laptop, it would have been easy to go into the bedroom with the youngest to get my work done, but we don’t. So, I felt stuck. And then I became angry. Because it frequently seems like whenever I get my momentum going in something, he can’t or just doesn’t contribute anything to it. (I did not ask him to turn off the television because he would have started to pout.)

Now, mind you, my husband is a very content man. He has a pretty decent job, owns his own company, has a great group of friends, comes from a very loving and supportive family, and has me for a wife. So, if you were to ever ask him (as I have) do you ever feel like you want more out of life he’ll say, “Aside from money, and more opportunities to travel, not really.”

That attitude has always made it tough for me. 1) Because since we’ve been married, it’s always just been the two of us. 2) I am an empath. 3) I need help and lots of assistance to evolve except when it comes to me working on being a “better” person. 4.) I need a great deal of support in order to sustain anything I’m doing. If not, I become restless and will eventually move on to something else.

How does this play out?

About eleven years ago, I lost 100 pounds, but I wanted to build muscle. What did he start doing, unconsciously, of course: drinking more, smoking cigarettes, making bacon and eggs for breakfast instead of drinking my smoothies, etc. And after about 6 months, I was drinking as much as he was and had traded my own breakfast smoothies for bacon and eggs. Eventually, I let the goal of building muscle go, and settled for maintaining a healthy weight instead.
Why?

Because it’s…easier.

I feel like if my husband and I were on the same page, it would be a lot easier for me to attain certain goals. As a red, I do have the fire, passion, and creativity that it takes to get things done, but I also need someone to light the fire under my ass when I begin to get bored or restless. And I also need the person in my house, in my bed, on my team to be an active player in my goals and dreams. By the way, I am very clear this is more a post about my marriage, but fear not, I’ll be back with another MKMMA post by Friday morning.

Anyway, that is my truth for week 11.

 

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2 thoughts on “Week 11 (Honesty)

  1. I second Patricia’s comment. Far be it for me to say, being single but it sounds like you have one child too many..:-) I understand your struggle in support. I have moments with my mother about this coarse,God bless her. Keep smiling and they will start to think they are missing out on something good.

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